One of the most challenging things to do in our lives is to let go of the mistakes we have made in the past. We seem to want to hold our hands to the fire of what we did wrong. We have a tendency to shame and blame ourselves over and over again for our mistakes and then wonder, "Why do I feel so bad?" We don't want to continue to feel that way, but we're stuck. What can we do to feel better?
First it's important to understand that our thoughts have energy. What we focus on expands in energy and in vibration. With our thoughts we are drawing experiences, ideas, people and circumstances into our lives. If when we focus on our past experiences, our thoughts are judgmental like, "Why did I do that? That was such a stupid thing to do. Wow, I really screwed up!" we keep the negative feelings and energy of that experience active. When we do that, whether we realize it or not, we're attracting more of that negativity into our lives.
We actually create a pattern of a self fulfilling prophecy with our thoughts. We focus on what we did wrong, beat our selves up about it, and then more of it shows up. When it does, we say, "See, I was right!"
More of what we don't want in our lives shows up because we focus our attention on it. What we think about we bring about. Somewhere along the line we picked up the idea that when we make a mis - take, or do something that didn't turn out the way we wanted, we must punish ourselves over and over again before, if ever, we move on. We over think it and try to figure out "What did I do wrong?"
It's amazing how we spend so much time putting ourselves down for what didn't work out right, and so little time and on what has worked out right!
In order to create more happiness, success, love and joy in our lives we have to reverse our thinking, spend more time on what has worked, and then . . . . . we have a new story to tell.
Of course, the mis-takes from our past can cover a range from the awful to the eh, not so bad. The way we recover from those mis-takes is relative to how bad we thought they were. In order to be able to move forward we need to be easy on ourselves. Leave out the shame and blame, it does not serve us. The key is to be kind and compassionate with ourselves as we would be with a close friend or someone we love. The more we do that, the easier it becomes. Next, when things don't go the way we want, learn from the situation, figure out what we don't want, and then what we do want from the experience. Learn from it and move on. I know it's easier said than done. But, when we decide we want to . . . . we can then begin to do so. Let's talk about how.
The thoughts we continue to think about over and over again, over a period of time, become a belief. For example, say in our past we made a choice that ended up hurting us in some way. We choose the wrong person, the wrong job, or a wrong investment, and it cost us emotionally or financially. When we continually blame ourselves for a wrong decision, over time we come to believe we're just not good at those kinds of decisions. Because we believe we're not good in those situations, we don't do well in those situations. We've created a perpetual negative experience with our beliefs. But, if we realize that a belief is just a thought we keep thinking, we can change our experience by changing our thoughts. When we change our thinking to what feels better, and we keep thinking those thoughts, they will eventually become our belief.
Remember we can't create what we don't believe in. If we want to change our experience then, we need to look for what we believe are the positive aspects. "What did we learn?" "What did work?" "How did it help us to grow and reach for something better?" When we focus on the positive aspects, our feelings change and we can then begin to tell a new story.
When we look at our mis-takes, the purpose should be to learn from them. Then, using the example of a wrong past relationship, go on and say, "Yes, that happened, it was tough, and it hurt. But that was then and this is now." From that experience I learned what I don't want, and now I'm more sure about what I do want. I want to create a loving relationship in my life with someone who I feel good about, someone who will respect me, be honest with me and support me. I know I can have that in my life, I know I deserve that in my life."
Now if those statements are a stretch for you, try another, like, "I want to create a loving relationship in my life and every day I'm getting closer!" Start there and continue to focus on how good that will feel. Eventually the good feelings you allow in will lead you to expand your thoughts and you will get to the place of "Yes, I deserve this!"
The more we pivot to the new story, the more it becomes a part of our thoughts. As we do this we raise our vibration and the ideas, people, and circumstances show up to create the new story we believed in. Like all beliefs, it's just a thought we think about over and over again.
"Never be defined by your past. It was just a lesson, not a life sentence." The things we experience are there to teach us, to help us expand to further understand what it is we want to create in our lives. We decide to continue to punish ourselves and hold that space of negativity. That space of negativity keeps out the positive feelings and experiences we could be having.
On the other hand, we can decide to be compassionate, and as with a child who is learning, be kind to ourselves, allow ourselves to learn and grow. When we are kinder with ourselves, more accepting of this ever changing and expanding life process, we overcome things easier. When we can overcome things easier, we move on easier. When we move on easier, we create more space for the positive, for the good things, for the fun, joy, laughter and love.
Love is your birthright, not pain, suffering and self ridicule. Let the love in and tell your wonderful new story!